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2,201 Posts
firescales22, I think you need to have your meds adjusted. Don't want to ruin your day
but not one funny post from you. Is English your first language? Maybe something in
the translation.
He is only 13. His sense of humor will most likely be different than ours.

500 Posts
Athearns and Katos, all MIB'ses and MOC'ses,
Micro-Trains in their original boxes,
K-Line and Lionel, no parts astray,
These are my favorite things on eBay!

Atlas Geep-30's and IHC Big Boys,
Diesels with RailSounds that make lots of big noise,
"Only been test-run for less than a day,"
These are my favorite things on eBay!

Old billboard reefers all lettered for meat-pack,
Sellers who never give negative feedback,
Limited runs that I've searched for and prayed,
These are my favorite things on eBay!

When the snipers
Steal my bargains
In the final hour,
I'll sign on to eBay and swallow my pride,
And bid on some Model Power!

[the sellers sing:]

Shipments that aren't overweight by two ounces,
Three-figure sales when the check never bounces,
Regular buyers with bank checks to pay,
These are my favorite things on eBay!

Buyers who jump at an "Only three days" sale,
Rubes who pay more than it's costing at retail,
Positive feedback with nice things to say,
These are my favorite things on eBay!

Frenzied collectors who bid in a panic,
Buy so much stuff it would sink the Titanic;
They've got to have it, don't care what they pay,
These are my favorite things on eBay!

When they don't meet
My reserve price
And I'm feeling sore,
I'll re-list on eBay for one-fifty less
And start off a bidding war!


4,249 Posts
Boss: You're the worst conductor in the railroad business. How many trains did you de-rail last year?

Conductor: I'm not sure. It's so hard to keep track......

2,545 Posts
Bob was sitting on the plane, waiting to fly to Baltimore, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, obviously in fear. "What's the matter," Bob asked, "flying bother you?"

"No, I've been transferred to Baltimore. I've heard things are terrible there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."

Bob replied, "I've lived in Baltimore all my life. It's not as bad as the media say. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as you want to make it."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking. He said, "Oh, thank you! I've been worried to death. But if you live there, and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a tail-gunner on a Budweiser truck."

1,098 Posts
Burma Shave :laugh:
We had a 'fender bender' on SEPTA Regional Rail once. The engineers compartment got a little bent up and they could not get the door open.

The engineer was outside in the aisle telling his girlfriend to stay calm!


4,249 Posts
I was laying in bed the other night and thought:

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

3. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

4. Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”
Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”

5. Cop: “Please step out of the car.”
Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”

6. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

7. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

8. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

9. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”

10. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

11. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is the new midnight.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

16. I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

17. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

18. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

19. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

20. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

21. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

22. That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

23. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

24. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

25. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
2581 - 2600 of 2727 Posts