A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has". Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd, and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face...I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."
So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"
"Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!"
Try this one !
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose
lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born
in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy .
Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their
senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood
early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally
acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all
Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal
was swift to say the least and the Catholic world knew that when the present
Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.
In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In
less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and
the world waited to see whom they had chosen.
The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that
Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated,because even with
all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.
With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private
session with them in which he candidly asked:"Why Timothy ?"
After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and
rose to reply.
"We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the
thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called, ...