No. Maybe back during the WW II years, but modern HO scale and N scale steamers, those sold since the 60's, have had their motors/drives in the boiler. The motor often sits in a slot in the metal weight that is formed to sit snugly in the boiler.

 

I have 4 steamers from various manufacturers. While the tenders all pick up power from the wheels (in fact, that's where the decoders are), the motor is in the loco boiler, and the drivers really are drivers.

 

I have 14 old HO steamers (all but one was bought used). They all have the motor in the loco -- some in the boiler some in the cab.

However, I also own four of the tiny 1830s locomotives that Bachmann produced in a historical series. Two of the four have the motor in the tender.

 

I've seen one model on ebay with the motor in the tender, but it uses a driveshaft to transfer the power to the loco's wheels. I have never personally seen any where the motor wasn't in the loco.

 

So your friend's claim is rated "Mostly False". There are examples of steam locos with the motor in the tender, but the prevalent practice is to have the motor in the loco.

 

I have a 1970s or 80s Bachmann N-scale 4-4-0 American steamer. The motor is in the tender, with a drive shaft going to the loco. My new Bachmann 4-6-0 has the motor in the boiler.

 

You will find that most steam engine models have the motor in the boiler/cab. There were a few brass imports in the 60s/70s that had the motor in the tender. Most of these were small HOn3 locos that didn't have room in the boiler. During their "dark" period, Tyco put motors in the tenders, Chattanoga ChooChoo was one item. There may have been others using the same basic design. Like many Tyco offerings of that period, they were pretty much junk.

 

You will find some combinations of tender powered locos, especially older smaller British types. Most use a driveshaft to the loco which was weighted as heavily as possible to give the loco the traction it would have lost by trying to fit the motor in the boiler casting.